The results are in. Thats what the email title was when the results came in. I was shaking and nervous and scared at the same time. I opened the results and looked at all these numbers and saw that my”brother” was my biological Brother, and that this man who is my twin was indeed my father !!! GTFOH !!!! I froze at the screen. I was happy because my brother have gained a relationship and i always wanted a brother.But i was sad because my mom lied to me and held information all those years. I have another side of family I now have to meet and grow with. These same family that knew of me now see me !
My close cousin and i talk all the time and i called her crying because i was in shock and she was right! now here is the kicker. Remember in the last post i mention my cousins aunt ? Well now my cousin aunt is now my 2nd cousin lol can isn’t that amazing news :). My father was my cousins father 1st cousin. So me and my cousins are double cousins lol. our DNA are all connected and we are very close in the chain.
I now have a brother and guess what yall i’m an auntie as well . I have a niece and i’m so happy about it. God has given me what i needed , there is always the right time for everything and this was the time.
As far are my anger towards my mom, i’m very upset , more so upset that she isn’t here to talk about the bullshit. I’m upset that i now have ashes of a man who i thought was my dad I’m also upset that i lost almost 37 years not knowing my family. I lost being there for my brother when my niece was born, having him at my wedding. My family at my wedding period. My life growing up was crazy! to be continued …..
Years ago a close cousin of mine told me I had a brother. I’m like “no I don’t, my dad only has me”. Her response was we not talking about him we talking about your real father. WHAT!! How? Who? and Why?. This is what was going in my mind like how could this be. My mom and dad were married. Who would ever think that their parents can be in such a scandal. Thinking my life was fucked up but damn its worst. So my cousin set up so i can meet this so called brother. I met him and we talked but i wasn’t sold. How can you say i have a father and brother with no picture of the father to go by? So i confronted my mom about it and she denied it and got very upset. So upset that she stopped talking to my close cousin and her mom as well. Yet my mom NEVER denied knowing this mystery “FATHER’. Things got really bad, so bad that i stopped talking to my best cousin as well and didn’t even invite her to my wedding years later 😦 . How would you feel in my shoes? your family throwing this info to you and you don’t know what to do because the person who can cosign the truth denies it. So years go by, we talking about i,m married almost 11 years with 2 kids later and I’m at my Aunt (older cousin we call them aunt because they are older to be our parents, its a black thing lol) Funeral and i’m with my close cousins in North Carolina and their aunt is looking at me and said to me that she is sorry but i look like her 1s’t cousin. So in my mind im like “here we go” so im like you have a pic of him. She didn’t at the time so i was like get me a pic. She said to me that she is positive im his daughter and i’m his twin. Mind you i always liked her because my cousins always talked about their favorite auntie and i was so jealous of all she did for them. Funny right! and she is BEAUTIFUL.
Good evening everyone!! This post is a very interesting post and a life changer. Earlier in my blog journey I had mentioned in a post that at times I felt that there were something missing from me. Well lets get to the beginning.
2 years later from that day my cousin mentions my possible “brother” and i asked how he was and everything. A month later i get a facebook request from my “brother”. So i’m like ok i’ll accept his request. At this point my mother is deceased, so she can’t fight me lol. He sends me a message saying “are we gonna do this DNA test or what?” im like send a picture of this man . So i received the pic of him and i dropped my phone to the ground because what i saw was a man who looked like me . I was his twin, i went and took out my baby pictures lol and was looking and i saw him and was scared to face the reality that this man is possibly my father and this man is possibly my brother. So i was like yes lets do this. I grew up thinking i was the only child. Thinking that it was just me. Always wishing i had a sibling. God had His time to open that door for me. But now we must wait!
Why do we fall for the bullshit? Like why? We are blessed to wake up in the morning when some people don’t. We are able to look out the window and see the sun shining. You think your day is going great and then you realize that someone woke up with the Devil on their back. It’s like night and day. One minute they are good and then then the next they are the devil. But instead of them owning up to the bullshit you become the stomping ground of the bullshit. No matter what you do it’s not enough or its wrong. All because they got issues within themselves. You have done everything you suppose to do yet you get the sharp end . You now become the victim! They thought they were the victim but no you are! You allowed them to victimize you with their bullshit. You allowed them to take advantage of you and let you take the sharp end. Everything to benefit them not you. They woke up fine even though you thought you woke up great but in reality you woke up with sadness, depression, loneliness, feeling less of a woman. because you allowed it to happen. Now who’s the victim now?
Letting Go, do we really let go of the things that has gone on or the things that bother us on the regular? That the question I always as myself ” can i just let it go?”. The answer is no i can’t let it go. It’s just not in me to let shit go, because when shit happens it bothers me and if i don’t have full control of the situation i just cant let it go. Growing up the little things bothered me and i never spoke up about how i really felt about things, which is the cause of me not letting go. You would think years of therapy would help me get to that point where things just roll over my head. But it did not, therapy only helped me understand how fucked up i was and how can i unfuck myself! I truly believe that letting go of things is a way of just forgetting the shit that happen and just forgetting . But does letting go really help or really get rid of the issue?
Hello all, Its been a long time since my last post I’m so sorry, life has definitely took over my life over the last month or so. However I will update you on that later. This post is about HAPPINES!!! What is Happiness? A noun , the state of being happy. I am starting find my happiness within myself and I love it. 🥰 I told myself this year that I will not let people or work steal my joy and I have so far done just that. I am no longer allowing people to take over my mind in anger or put me in distress.
Why do we allow people to take over our happiness? Do we submit to their unhappiness? If so why? It’s so easy to be unhappy and so hard at times to be happy. To really be happy within ourselves we have to first find the cause of our unhappiness. Thats the hard part, find the cause. Yet sometimes the cause is right in front of our face and we are too blind to see.
I knew the reason to my unhappiness and it took me a very very long time to take it over and change it. We can only be of good to ourselves if we admit or change the bad in our lives. Yes holding on to unhappiness is bad and is a leech on our inner self. It sucks everything we have until we have nothing left to fight for. Stop it now !🚫 Drinking , smoking, drugs what ever your vice is stop it. look within and fix what made you unhappy and get happy.
Having a family a home with a fence and dog does not define Happiness , I say this because if you’re fucked up inside all of that don’t mean shit. We have to be happy with in ourselves in order to be happy with that lifestyle God has blessed us with. Stop blaming people for your shit and take responsibility of your life . Hang out with people who share the same energy as you in a positive way. Explore things you never done before, get friends that lift you up instead of the friends who put you down so they can be lifted. Stop waiting on people to check on you, fuckem you can’t wait on people who are for you PERIOD! We need to hold ourselves accountable to our shit and get those negatives out and the positives in. Feed our minds with positive outcomes.
All that matters right now to me is that I’m happy and I don’t care about anything else and that’s what matters! All feedback is welcomed !!!❤️
Hello all as the year comes to an end lets reflect on how the year turned out for us. This year has been hell in some part but blessings on the other end. It has been a rough year mentally and emotionally . Trying to figure out how to balance myself and what I need to do with everything else in life. This year has been a learning year, learning all the things my grandparents have taught me and using them to move on in life. What are some reflections you have regarding last year that you would love to use in the new year?
The year has ended and the New begin, with that being said let’s start fresh and with the best intentions of what we want in this New Year! Be humble!
Good morning everyone, it’s been a while since I posted. A lot has been going on and things needed and still needs my attention. But I spared some time to write .
The 23rd is the this month made 1 year since my grandmother passed. Some people ask shouldn’t I be over it by now? Who the fuck ask a dumb as question like that? Well, people do and they are fucked up . Anyway I am still in mourning and I will be in mourning until I can be released from the pain of not having her around to talk to or see. The memories are just not enough . What people don’t understand is that I am the only child , what that means is I have no sibling period . There is no sibling to help with the void. Yes I have cousins, aunts and uncle. But that’s not the same. Yet they feel the pain as well but it different for me because her blood runs in me. When she died part of me died too. My expectations of people have changed and this is why I’m distant from people. Things are definitely not the same for me or anything that is going on in my life. I feel her giving me signs and can’t figure out how to figure out what they mean from her. But I keep pushing through. This thanksgiving I did nothing but sit home with my kids and husband and watch movies and make some fried chicken and empanadas lol . I wasn’t in the mood to do anything. First time in years that I didn’t cook a thanksgiving meal . But maybe next year .
At the end of the day can’t nobody tell me or suggest how i greave or feel about her not being here anymore. Don’t be checking on me after the fact! 🤷🏽♀️
Taking on a task so big was overwhelming, stressful and depressing. Finding things that you never knew and finding things that you forgot were even there. Going in a place that were no longer a place of excitement yet a place of sorrow and pain. I couldn’t go upstairs without someone with me. Just knowing what I saw terrified me to go back and see that spot. Just knowing that I literally lost 3 major people in my life in the same area there just didn’t sit well with me. A lot of history not just happiness but also sadness. Getting rid of things weren’t so easy but easy. Living in disbelief as to what just happened and what is happening. Praying for closure and ease. Praying for my mind and keeping my hair on my head. Trying to stay motivated to even go to work . This all in itself was hard to deal with but yet I did. Having my family help was amazing because I could not have done it without them. Everything was a cycle . Everything mattered , everything is and will be alright !
Good morning , it has been a very very long time since i blessed y’all with a post. A lot has happened within the last 10 months. Between my grandmothers passing and the passing of my heart and soul. To the passing of my sanity and passing of respect of people that showed who they are. But all will be explained.
My soul has been through a cycle of hurt, hate , depression and failure to understand. In life we know what will come but when it comes we are not prepared for that part. I knew what was coming but I was not prepared. I felt like God took my foundation from me. The cycle that was known became unknown and that hurt me deep.
Being left in charge of something big was a task that I couldn’t fail the pressure was on me. But I had to make sure that what I had in front of me went smoothly. But it didn’t the roads got rough and reality came on full effect. Some people think it’s a 1,2,3 type of thing but what they don’t get is it’s a long very long 1,2,3 step gig.
Wait for part 2