Grandma

It took me almost 3 months to write this post ! You think you have more time but let me tell you, time don’t care for you. I thought I had more time gone with her to love her to show her how I turned out but God had more plans for her than me.

My grandma was my heart and soul she raised me because my mother and father couldn’t . She showed me things that I didn’t think I would have ever seen. She kept me safe and in church . She maid me laugh and cry and love. She was strict but as an adult I understand why. God made sure she was able to see me get married , have kids, buy a house .My grandma was my mother and father . She was my heart and soul, my everything .

On November 22nd I was taking to her about arrangements on her getting to my house for Thanksgiving dinner and what I was making . I was so excited because she loves my cooking of course because I cook like her and let’s just say I cook my ass off . Thanks Grandma for that lol. And her baby sister and nieces and Nephew was coming from North Carolina. As well she she was really happy.

My heart nearly stopped when I got a call that she did pick up her phone when my great aunt called to say they where here. They called me and i led my house with no bra I didn’t even brush my teeth I got in my car an drove to her house in queens. I was flying doing almost 100 mph getting to her house because I knew something wasn’t right . I got to her house, opened her door and went upstairs to find her dead , gone, cold, lifeless on the floor in my grandpas room.

This was the worst day of my life . I just spoke with her. We talk everyday. Why today? Why now? WhY did she leave me? Thanksgivings day I find her dead gone from my life ! She is never coming back, I will never hear her voice again, I will never smell her scent, hug her, talk to her ,laugh with her . Talk to her about her Great Grands.

My heart it broken, I have dreams of seeing her dead every night . It’s just not right. I question God on why he had to take her from me now. Why he had to take her before I can get all my time in? I’m so lost its not even a game . I honestly don’t know what to do without her . She was all i had besides my kids and husband . Who am I going to talk to on my way home from work everyday ?life is just not the same. Anymore .

Her funeral was so packed , the church was packed and the balcony was full she shined light on people lives for long term . Students she taught Sunday school too came to her funeral . People I haven’t seen in years came . She was loved and missed. So many people Came that the guest book you needed two – three books .

Writing thank you letters is so final for me I’m just now starting to write out cards for people. It’s not easy and I refuse to be rushed . At the end of the day I must get my life in order for her. To continue to make her proud ! My life has not been the same since Thanksgiving

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