Hey everyone! In times of trauma people really don’t get what’s has happen in our lives because we held these things so deep in our minds that when it comes to a head it takes part of your life. People really don’t get what a person has been through until they have been through it. Being touched inappropriately , violated at a young age can take you to a place of the unknown. I have always remembered details of those times and individuals. It’s always someone you know. Being violated as a young teen in a park where people are watching and looking at you as you try to break free is terrifying. Wishing someone would stop this assault, but to them it was entertainment. Laughing as you cry and run away. Feeling empty and embarrassed for what has happened. It changed me! Being felt up by someone you trusted didn’t help either. Wondering why me? Am I a bad person why am I the target. Is this love? Being violated and there is nothing you can do about it is terrifying. Something is wrong with me. I look for love in all the wrong places but yet when I find love my mind is powerful than my will.
How can you tell someone you love what has happen you you without them judging you? It’s hard as hell. All you can do is act like nothing has happened. Between taking anti depressants due to ny mom but also due to those demons that haunt me till this day.
Having to model in my dress slip in front of my mom male friends was a normal thing in our basement apartment. Her laughing. And playing music as I model in my silk slip. Her giving me sips of her wine cooler and trying to get me to take a pull of her cigarette. All while I’m not even in my double digits yet. This is where it all begins. Watching her get beat for not having his money , my grandparents calling the cops and taking me upstairs as he runs away. Was my life destined to be this way? Was I cursed?