Today Marks 5 years since my mother transitioned to heaven. To some that’s along time but for me that still feels like today. My life has changed since this day and my mind has since wondered to the anger that fills deep inside of me. The resentment of some people that HELPED in this transition which makes me feel like they should have transitioned too but yet my mother was the weakest link to disaster with help from her own FAMILY.
Yet my mother had responsibility in her transition but it all didn’t fall on her. My mother had her good days and bad days, there were times where she wanted to be better and actually took the steps in getting better. Even stop hanging with some family so she could be better. I remembered there were several times when they would even talk because my mother wanted better and they wanted her to be like them. She failed each time and here we are.
We can’t play the blame game but we can let it be known that I know !!! I know more than people think and even though I as the child wasn’t enough to save her mom that means know one was either.
But let us talk here, how is one to feel? People say well its 5 years she is gone move on! Well guess what I’m not fucking moving on, I’m not letting go until I feel like it. Until people take responsibility for their part I won’t be good. How can people sleep at night knowing that they knew the person who gave that lethal? Yep I wonder too , I even wonder how those same people can look me in the face like they played no role in all of this.
Yet alone moving around living! People will never understand that Traumatic experience that me and my Grandma had to endure. It was a complete shit show. The first night of my mothers heart Attack as I’m at the hospital all day watching her in the ER having seizers and pretty much no brain activity at this point. There were one family member that all she could think of is my mother social security check that she just cashed the morning of, or the money she ” owed” her! Ain’t that some shit? Your family is here on this bed not living and all you can think about is money and the passcode to her ATM card ?? Or clothes she had ordered online that was for “someone” . Or how about coming to the house to “help clean” just so they can find her prescription meds, or take stuff from her closet Who does that??? Do they even care about her? Thats not love at all that’s just insulting and just fucked up!
Looking back at all of this shit it infuriates me to the point I can’t even look at them in the face or anyone involved. My relationships with those people are not the same and it never will, because at the end of the day they don’t even care. This post isn’t to bash anyone, it’s to bring awareness that some people ain’t shit, specially some family. You can’t pick them but you can sure as hell decide who to declare!